There's just something about him..

Yesterday was such a chaotic day.. it seems like all we did was pack up more of the stuff from my apartment and move it over to our new place. It was so tiring, and you could tell neither of us really wanted to be doing it. We are pretty burned out with packing, and I think more so him than I because his work is more physically demanding and tiring than mine--and he hardly gets one day off a week, sometimes its only a few days off in a pay period. So, yeah, I know he's more tired than I. Also because he's the one that's hauling all the big stuff to the cars and what not. Poor guy.

Anyways, yesterday, we were at my apartment for atleast 2 hours packing up stuff from my cupboards, trying to get the last little bit that's left..and in the meantime, Trace would do these silly dances, he was in such an upbeat, illy, happy mood.. I couldn't help but laugh It was apparent that we would much rather be doing something else, as he'd say "man, I'm so burned out".. but then, the next minute he'd be doing some sort of disco-style booty popin. He is adorable. After packing stuff up, we loaded it over to our new place---he sat on the couch to take a small break which I refused to do cause I wouldn't get up if I sat down, and within 5 minutes he was passed out asleep. I let him sleep for about 15 miinutes and then couldn't help myself, I had to go sit and cuddle with him. He decided shortly after that he needed to go get coffee cause he was extremely tired and we still had a bunch of stuff to do--get drapes/curtain rods for each room, get new shower heads, and a water hose for our washer. We set out on our journey to find stuff for our new house, and ended up in the curtain aisle at Walmart for a good 45 minutes. Walking back and forth, grabbing different colors, brands, textures... tons of ideas going through our heads, getting a bit exhausted of the huge selection...or lack of selection. It seemed like when we'd find a style/color we liked, there would only be one left--and we'd need two panels. Man, it was getting crazy. I'd then try to offer another option and he'd just smile, say it was up to me, and started to get a bit stressed like I was. It was so cute, he wasn't getting angry or mad, you could just tell he was getting ancy, on edge I guess to say. After we decided on some of the rooms, we then walked over to the showerheads. We picked those out fairly quickly, and made our way back to the curtain aisle cause I realized that one of the curtains I was holding had been opened, and we had to find the curtain rods to hang them up as well. In doing so, I noticed another aisle of curtains--the energy ones we were looking for in the first place. So then, we ditched what we had previously decided on, and started our search again in finding the perfect colors, sizes, textures...and, when we'd find one, they wouldn't have an identical for the same size.. we spent another 30 minutes or so trying to find our new curtains. Then, we found some curtain rods, and as walking down the aisle a little farther, we found others that we liked a little better... Oh man, talk about a shopping experience. We decided to get the water hose for our washer a different day, and on the way home we stopped at Little Caesars because we didn't want to make dinner... and not only that, our kitchen is covered in dishes and food that still needs to be put away. But, we decided that we were done for the night. Even when we got home, he was in a good mood--you could tell he was so tired, so drained--but, he still was his fun loving, silly self.. Tackling me on the bed, chasing me around.. being lovable.. teasing me for silly things, making silly comments..he's an amazing individual, such a great man.

I love that.

I love who I am when I am with him.
I love who he is.

I love that I can be silly with him, and sometimes he's sillier than me!

There's just something about him that makes me smile. He makes that twinkle in my eye brighter.

I love him.
He's truly one in a million, and I'm extremely lucky to have him in my life.

New Beginnings!

As most of you know, the lease at my apartment is up at the end of the month..well, technically not until September 13th but that is because they gave me a notice to let them know less than 60 days before it was supposed to be over, and refused to let me out at the end of August, so I am now being prorated for the first half of September.. Annyyways, that's another story.
The good news is after I was stressing SO incredibly much trying to find somewhere within my budget to stay, find decent roommates, or just bite the bullet and move back to Price.. Trace and I decided to get a place of our own and we found a gorgeous house to call our own. Renting, of course. It is 4 floors, but it's not as big as it sounds--although, it's not as small as it looks either. There are three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two living areas and a study, which will be my craft room! I have wanted a craft room SO badly!! I am going to be able to paint, decorate, and create projects with plenty of space and not have to use up half of the time getting everything out and putting it away! I am SO excited.
Just wanted to give an update :)

Love is..

I went to a wedding reception last night (Congrats Sandy and Clint!) and I couldn't help but notice the difference in myself than when the last wedding I went to. I almost feel like a reality check happened, like, a light bulb turned on. It's almost as if I realized that we have all been mislead and encouraged to misinterpret what it takes to find "love" and how couples find that genuine happiness that I saw in Clint and Sandy as they shared their special day with so many friends and family. It was so beautiful to see such a couple so in love and so involved with each other--to see two individuals who have made that promise of love.. who are at the right time in their lives to share that.

Anyway, the light bulb.

"Love is a decision--not an emotion." -Anonymous

I ran into that quote probably a little under a week ago, and it struck me like a ton of bricks. It is so true. Love is an openly, willingly, admitted decision of wanting to stick through the hard times with someone, a promise to still be by someone's side even when times get hard.. you might even say love is almost like a miniature version of marriage vows. Feelings are definitely associated with wanting to be there for someone, yet, actually acting upon it and following through isn't solely based on love. Now, I know love can mean a variety of things for everyone--but I truly believe that love isn't this magical power that somehow makes life that fairytale that we all grew up with.. (Ariel, Belle, Cinderella...you get the idea). But maybe the whole fairytale idea isn't so far off, as love is actually a fairytale-- like, a fib.. a little lie.. a secretly evolved feeling of happiness.. to help us all get through the day.
Love isn't only an attraction to someone, it's also about timing..where you're at in life and if you can puzzle piece your lives together to create one bigger, more detailed.. more beautiful picture. Love is like art. Sometimes people aren't ready to actually intertwine their paintings they have created on their own, which is why it doesn't work out... You can completely admire someones life... the time and dedication they put into creating such vivid colors in their picture or whatever it might be, but, it still might not feel right in mixing or pairing it with the painting of life you've created.
Love is so much more than just "love". It's almost unexplainable, and you can only truly realize what it is if you've been through some horrible situations to help you develop a knowledge base of experiences.. But, maybe that is only my reality or view because of all the challenging relationships I have been through--maybe people who only fall in love once still know the definition of love and have just as much of a hard time figuring out that love is work.
Now I don't want this blog to sound negative, because that is far from what I am trying to have it be. I am actually just writing from a very mature state of mind.. and it's amazing to me how many realities seem to just, slowly turn on in my mind.. those "ahh" moments, where you realize that this is what the "grown-ups" meant all along.

"All experience is an arch, to build upon." -Henry B. Adams

Friends

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."

I love my friends. I wouldn't change them for the world.. in fact, I'd do anything for them. I just wanted to share that. I have some of the bestest friends in the entire world. I have so many amazing friends in so many places. And all of them have their own unique aspect they bring to my life. Vernal, Delta, Salt Lake, Price.. I have friends across the state, some that I rarely talk to--but I love the fact that I can call them up at any time, no matter how long it has been, and it will be as if no time passed by. I love knowing I have people I can call at any time, day or night, and I know they will be on the other line listening to my words as if they were just as important as their own.
I just wanted to say I love my friends. Thinking about the friendships I have today, it just makes me smile--and I wouldn't choose anyone else to grow old with. :D

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Life isn't what you expect.

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"-John Lennon.

I have always loved that quote, in fact, I'm sure I've posted it on this blog in previous entries. It has always felt like it just, made sense, in regards to how life really works out-- now, I truly feel like I know the exact reality and truth of it. When you think you have something figured out, even the most simplest things, they just don't always turn out as planned.. Dinner gets burned, milk goes bad a day early, jobs become scarce..events happen that are unexpected and out of the ordinary. Life happens, and you have to learn to roll with the punches. After graduation, I was on this natural high of being independent and having the ability to create so much achievement in my life all on my own. I wasn't on the market to find any sort of boyfriend or anything.. in fact, because of the pride I had from graduating, I was very much against it. The very next day after graduation I met Trace, my current boyfriend. And honestly, so far, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't even explain it. He is such an amazing man, I don't know how I was able to be blessed with him in my life, but I am so very grateful I am lucky enough to know him--let alone, be the one to laugh with him and kiss him goodnight.

Another thing I've realized is sometimes those punches feel so overwhelming, you aren't sure how to really regain your balance. And although it might be more rewarding and "easier" to try to pull yourself back up on your own, it's not easier at all... actually, it's almost like you're punching yourself. Let me explain. I have this fear of being vulnerable. As with everyone else, I have been through some pretty traumatic, very stressful situations that have both strengthened me and hindered me. I have gained self-worth, pride, dedication, and the reality of knowing that I have the ability to chase after my dreams and achieve anything I put my mind to. I also gained the fear of vulnerability, trust, and being able to really depend on someone.. believe their words, their actions.. and completely fall into true happiness. I have learned how to put my emotional wall up, bring it down..and put it up again ten times higher, and stronger. I acquired the understanding and expectations that I was not made for the amazing, spectacular things I once had dreamed of. I developed the attitude that I would be okay with settling with something, I didn't think that anything truly great would ever happen for me--it just wasn't in the cards I'd ever be dealt.
When Trace first came into my life, I was persistent in telling him I was afraid of being in any sort of relationship--that I had no desire to do so at all. But, I felt myself fighting against what I truly wanted, to actually be in a relationship with him.. to be able to fall FOR him. I would tell him to stop making me like him, and that I couldn't like him anymore--although this was in a playful attitude, it was also a statement that had some truth behind it. I was so afraid to admit to myself that I really liked this guy, his qualities he has that creates who he is as a man amaze me. His eyes, his smile, I just couldn't allow myself to really give in-- I wanted to be stable and independent, I wanted to be alone because it's "easier" to depend on myself, rather than having someone else around with such a huge impact on my emotions, my feelings, my life. I couldn't fight that long, and although I am still trying because of my own personal fears of "letting go", it becomes harder and harder each day. He truly amazes me everyday. He has become so much of my life in such a short amount of time, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I look forward to our time together, and I know that I can trust him when we aren't. I adore his little quirks that just drive me crazy at times, and his silly sense of humor.. I admire his maturity, his patience.. his strength and determination, just... him.

It's crazy, but I think this is the beginning of something great. <3

Ahhh Updates!

Wow! I have just realized it has been SO very long since I have updated my blog-- I guess I got so busy and wrapped up in the chaos of life I have somehow forgotten to keep this on track with it all!

Lets see.. since my last post, April 20th.. I:

-worked out almost every day until my trip to Orlando, FL. After my road trip back home, it was hard to get in the swing of things and I still have yet to step foot in the gym since. (I have been back since May 20th).

-graduated from the University of Utah, officially, on May 6th! And I just received my degree in the mail yesterday--it's real! Ahhh!

-visited Disneyworld, Animal Kingdom, the Epcot Center, and Hollywood Studios. :)

-started dating a really nice guy, Trace. Sometimes I think he is too nice. I'm trying to get over my own fears--but it's hard. He's really sweet though, makes me dinner and spoils me a bit. I like him.

-applied for three new jobs, and had an interview with one of them yesterday (The one I was most interested in). I have my second interview with them tomorrow! They told me I'd hear from them by Friday, which is tomorrow, but I guess they couldn't wait and wanted to get me in
ASAP for the second interview process! Ahh. :)

I'll try to keep this blog thing updated. Life has just been so chaotic, it's insane! But, positively chaotic. So many changes! It's scary, but at the same time it's very..uplifting!
:)

'til next time! <3

Intriqued

I have been working out at the gym every day for the past seven days...today, day eight, is actually the first day I didn't go to the gym. Instead, I picked up hours at job number two (since it's spring break at Pingree right now) and I did some much needed cleaning in my apartment. I caught up on all the dishes, laundry, and vacuumed. Ahh gotta love a clean apartment. Oh, and I love ice cream. I feel guilty for it, but right now i am eating some delicious Praline Caramel Crunch ice cream, and it's pretty delicious. I guess I'll just have to work out extra hard tomorrow so I can feel better about my indulging. ;)

DISNEYWORLD!

Well, it's official. One week ago to Orlando--leaving May 11th, that's a Wednesday. Kat is also flying out. Her, Amanda and I are going to have fun in the sun at Disney World (for free!) on Thursday and Friday, a full day of sunshine at the beach on Saturday, and then on Sunday--Kat will fly home and we'll be starting our road trip. I am SO EXCITED. I have always wanted to go to DisneyWorld. I was pretty bummed we couldn't go in August when I drove there with her--although we did go to Downtown Disney, it just wasn't the same--but it's just so expensive!! Now, we get two days in DisneyWorld... for FREE! Ahhhh.. I love it.


I am SO excited to do Road Trip #2! Two road trips, across the country, in less than one year. I am so excited I have this opportunity, yet again. Last August we went through Nebraska, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, etc...and This time we will be traveling through the lower states--going through Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico.. What an experience. Ahh..

I find so much joy in traveling. In fact, I don't think joy is even the right word to describe it.. more like.. bliss.. I get this overwhelming feeling of just, tranquility.. I love traveling places. I love exploring new places, I love chaos in the fact of being somewhere different.

Woohoo! Just thought I'd post an update!

Life goes by so quickly!

This past week my friend Kat and I went to the park and took some pictures for me to put on an announcement, and I ordered them on Wednesday! And, on Thursday I bought the rest of the stuff I need for graduation. Graduation! In about a month I'll walk up on a stage, and receive my Bachelors degree. It seems so surreal, I don't wanna graduate yet! haha Life is crazy, it seems to change much quicker than it should. I can't wait, but yet, I want to go back! I am not sure when I'll come back, but I am assuming this won't be the last of me hittin the books.

Oh, and Rascal is Camper of the month at his daycare, Camp Bow Wow! This is what they put in their monthly newsletter for him:

Rascal is another dog from the cool crowd in our “littles” yard. In cooler weather, Rascal wears a Harley Davidson’s jacket to prove his street cred. His regular rest perch is on the top of the play set so he can keep an eye on his people and his puppies. Rascal was particularly fond of our Camp Counselor, Dustin, who left us this month, but Rascal seems to be rebounding nicely. He is one of the sweetest and most polite Campers we have at Camp Bow Wow. He is so used to the routine here at Camp that he usually stays pretty calm and collected, but when he gets to playing --- look out! We love this adorable little Shih Tzu! (In this picture he is getting smacked in the face by his pal Ricky's tail.)

Can I tell you how proud I am? I know it seems silly--but this little guy is my life, and I am glad they treat him so well and give him so much love. :) I don't think he gets anything more than being displayed in their newsletter and on their monthly bulletin board in the facility, but I still think it's adorable and it makes me chuckle. Especially this picture they got of him--he's definitely a little Rascal.

Amazed

Three years ago this past Thursday night I single-handedly totaled my new, short lived Kia Sportage... I was in an emotional rush to try to get to Price through Indian Canyon and "save" what I thought was my life--oddly, if I would have lost control not even ten more feet down the road, it would have undoubtedly taken my life. When I lost control, I let go of the wheel and grabbed Rascal to hold onto him, preparing for whatever it was that was going to happen. Instead of rolling down the 1300 foot drop, my vehicle did it's 360 degree turn, landed on the other side of the road, and started to roll, but landed in a snowbank...right side up. Only the passenger side was affected.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't stop to reflect just how thankful and happy I am still here today-- I walked away with a pretty bad concussion, back problems, and an experience that truly changed my life..It could have been so much worse. Never, ever, ever take anything for granted.. I thought I was invisible and nothing like that would happen to me--but reality hit hard--I was able to walk away from it.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life." -Zig Ziglar

Graduation Announcements!

I finally ordered my graduation announcements! It is so crazy to think it's really here--almost seems surreal! I am so excited, and I hope they turn out as well as I think they will!

Life has nothing but a chaotic mess lately, in so many ways than one.. but I am SO grateful to be able to say I'm graduating in May! :D

A bunch of random thoughts.

I wonder...

How life sometimes seems to circle around me as I stand still?

How I don't regret some of the most painful times in my life?

Why do I look at people, who are my age, and sometimes feel like I'm not as "old" as them..while others I look at and feel I'm not as "young"?

How life can change in what seems like an instant, although, it was in fact more of a gradual thing?

Will I ever get what "I want"? Do I even know what that is? And if I do, am I afraid of actually getting it? Sometimes the repetition of something so expected is so comfortable, that I tend to become fearful of stepping out of that comfort zone.. this can't be a good thing. It's almost like I'm afraid to grow? Or is this just me being more cautious because of previous experiences I've had?

Why does chocolate taste so dang good? I mean really--what is it about it that I crave? Geez.

Why is it easier to gain weight than it is to loose it? That's not very fair..

Am I really graduating this semester? It seems surreal to me--I don't want to be a grown up. Yet, I think maybe I already am? Or am I? Is this where my life truly begins..or is it just a continuation of when it already began? When does a life begin?

Why is it easier to read a book when you're not expected to for a class?

Why does sunshine make such a difference? I love sunshine, it makes me happy.. the warmth, it's just--a great feeling. But why would temperature and amount of sunlight make a difference with internal emotions? Crazy!

Will I ever stop biting my nails!? Ugh! It's frustrating..

Where will I be in five years? Heck, what about two years? It's crazy to reflect back on where I've been, where I've wanted to be, and where I thought I'd be.. oh how things can change.

These are just a few of the random questions I have right now. Maybe I'll expand on some of these ideas later, as some really reflect some internal confusion I'm having right now. I just wanted to blurt some of it all out before I forget it all. :D

I want to travel the world.

Why does it cost so much to travel? I honestly find nothing else more soothing, comforting..and self-rewarding than traveling. It is one of my passions, and I truly wish I could travel more often than I do. I want to see the world. I dream of visiting different countries, different cultures, different lifestyles-- and intertwining myself within them, taking in all of the memories, lessons, and experiences they would bring me. I want to live, I want to feel like I'm accomplishing my life dreams--living with no regrets. I just wish it wasn't so dang expensive. I don't know how to accomplish this, but I know I will--someday.

I have such a list of places I'd love to visit---I want nothing more than to live my life, and experience the knowledge of other people around the world. There is SO much more out there, I don't want to be stuck here...I have my whole life to be stuck in one place. The world is SO big, yet, SO small all at the same time. It's crazy to think that just with a few simple steps, I could be on my way across the world--of course, I would need money-- but just knowing that traveling is so much easier now than it was years ago makes me hopeful.

Traveling brings me a sense of happiness, a sense of peace--I love learning, exploring, and broadening my understanding of not only myself, but others too. I almost feel like I have one of those wild souls, always wanting to develop more through adventures and discovery.

Somehow, I'll find a way to travel more often. If only I could find out the secret of how everyone else who travels and stays on top of their finances...

Awake.

I think I've snapped out of the slump I was in--it took only a few realizations for me to finally understand why I was there, and how I didn't want to be there anymore. It feels nice, and I think things can only be gettin better from here on out. :) I'm so thankful I'm such a strong person!
Anyways, starting tomorrow, a co-worker and I are going running Monday-Thursday mornings before work! YAY! I can't wait.
SooOOoo I need to go to bed. :D
I'll update later!
Woot!

thoughts of the day

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." -Mark Twain

Sometimes our outlook on life changes when we get a new view, a new insight of what the world really is like. Sometimes, when we're so busy thinking something---another something gets completely disregarded and minimized because our imagination has taken such control...almost like a twisted reality.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just, searching for whatever it is I think I want. Oooh, perfect place for another quote..
“You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need."- The Rolling Stones
How do we know the difference? It's amazing how life throws silly curve balls at you, isn't it? Not sure which way to run or where exactly to throw the ball next.. gotta just keep on keepin' on, and eventually we'll get to where we're supposed to be--or at least get to where we're going.

I thank you all for being here for me in some of the most difficult times I've had to overcome in my entire life.. some of these situations I truly thought I would never have to plow through-unaware and completely unprepared... but I made it, or well, in some aspects.. I'm still making it. It's great to know who your true friends are, who will be there for you in times when you truly need someone there the most. I'm really thankful that I have a handful who truly will be there when I am in need. :)

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."-Swedish Proverb

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”

Ah.. I need to vent.

I have wanted to post a blog for so long now, but life hasn't given me the opportunity to really sit down and be able to do so. When I blog, I like to have it all come from my heart and soul--having no other distractions to limit my words. And, although I'm sitting in the middle of class right now, I feel like right now is as good time as ever to update my blog.
Life can slow down any minute down..I'm just waiting for it to calm down. I swear..I have never felt so busy in my entire life. I have been going crazy lately---I feel I have no time for anything anymore. It's been really eating at me..I'm loosing my energy, my spunk, my happiness... I have no time to be anything but stressed and worried about when my next test is, when my next paper is due, and stay on top of trying to absorb all of the information given in class.. Oh, and make sure I get to work at both jobs on time.. (Last week I was an hour and a half late to job number two.) When I'm not playing catch up in my schoolwork and attending my shifts at work, I am trying to clean up and keep my apartment at a livable environment, laundry, and try to get some "me" time.. and that's all very rare. I honestly have no time to push that reset button to help me feel more energized and ready to start it all over every week. It is really draining me out. I'm trying to keep movin along with a smile--but dang it gets so tiring.
Aaanndd.. If I'm not doing that, I'm worrying about some crazy ex I have who will randomly decide to come to my house at 2am knocking on my door....while I freak out and call the cops because I don't know who it is---and still won't leave once I figure it out--until the cops get there and order him to do so. (yep, this happened..Saturday night.) Now, this story is one all of it's own, but it is definitely part of my stresses..as I haven't talked to him for over six months (because I blocked ALL ways of contact--phone numbers, emails..). I'm afraid he'll keep trying to contact me because of the way he had to leave that night--and I have no desire to talk to him.
Gah, talk about stressful. All around my life seems to be turning upside down, or maybe it's just that I have no time to feel that it's right side up. It's driving me absolutely cccrrraaazzzyyy! I just wish I had someone to help me keep my sanity, to hang out and remind me that life isn't as chaotic as it seems and to help me escape awhile.
Speaking of escaping, I have been thinking about something I can do to help me gain sanity on my own--as, I unfortunately have decided that sometimes others aren't as reliable as I'd like them to be. One of my thoughts is attempting to learn guitar again. I was learning on my fathers guitar years ago, and although I didn't play for over 3 or so months, I felt like I was catching on so quickly and I was loving having the ability to strum a few strings and escape into the mood of some of my favorite songs. I wanted my father to help me learn, but he was always too busy to help teach me some of the basics..and it got more difficult with my own schedule to help keep up with it as well. But, I have been thinking long and hard--and I might want to get a starter pack of my own. Have my own guitar, and pick it up when I have a minute or two, or when I have a hard day...stressful situations...and that might help? I don't know--still pondering the idea, because although it sounds amazing, I'm limited on time as it is and I don't want to add to that either. Blahhh!
Ahh, I can't wait for this semester to be over---and although I still have no idea what I'll be doing afterwards in regards to having both jobs still, or continuing onto my Masters (if I'm accepted)---I'm super thrilled I have actually came to this point in my educational career--I never thought I was really "programed" to achieve so much academically.
Well, should probably go back to listening in class.
I'll post when I can.

My last day of being 24!

It's crazy to think that tomorrow I'll be 25-- it always seemed so, "old" to me. 25?! It was almost ancient--although I liked to fantasize about being such an age, it never seemed so realistic or even really imaginable. It's so amazing looking back at where you've been, and thinking to yourself that things just aren't what they are assumed to be sometimes.
When I was turning 18 years old, if you were to ask me where I thought I'd be when I was turning 25, it wouldn't have many similarities regarding the reality of where I'm at today. Back then, I had pondered the idea of what "real life" pertained to, and listening to all of the older adults in my life--I thought I had it all figured out, or, atleast to a certain extent. I had assumed life would have been a path created before me as I walked across, sometimes stumbling to find more bricks, or having to jump over hollow places altogether. I thought I had understood, and been prepared, for the struggles and trials that were to be placed before me---but looking back, I might have been excited to welcome the difficulties but not nearly as prepared to take them on. Yet, how can one truly prepare for life? The only preparation in life is to just experience it. Break a heart, have yours broken...fall in debt, carry the weight of monthly bills on your shoulder...find a true friend, and be a true friend...although one might assume they know the realities of it all, only life helps you understand what it truly takes to live.
It's amazing to think about how in just 7 years, life has been twisted and rearranged in so many ways. I mean, I did see creating myself through education in my future..and I did see my independence grow, but it wasn't visioned as it is being played out today. Don't get me wrong, I am COMPLETELY grateful and thankful for everything that has led me up to this point in life--as, if I didn't go through it all, I wouldn't be me.
I'm so happy I am able to say I am (or well, will be) 25 years old, with no children, attending college for my second degree, applied to graduate school, and am working my butt off with two jobs in order for me to do so. It is a very rewarding feeling, especially when people seemed to always give you the stereotype of getting pregnant at a young age and being stuck in that reality, never being able to grow or develop into something completely different. I can't even explain to you how happy I am to not be one of those "statistics"that seemed to haunt me as if I had no other choice before.. I don't know. I'm part of the minority in a sense, in my opinion anyway when I look around in my own personal life--and I'm glad to say that this minority is probably one of the most beneficial ones. :)
Wow, I'm sure babbling on, haha--if you're still here, I'm impressed. I guess, just reflecting on everything (as I do every birthday), I am really proud to say I am who I am, and I've been where I've been. And I thank you all for having a part in it all, even if it just seems like a small part.
I will never be 24 again for the rest of my life. Craaaaazy! I'm getting old. :)
Here's to being proud, hopeful, excited, and young--- ;)
'til next time!

I HAVE HAIR AGAIN! :D

Today is probably one of the most wonderful days in my life---with the help of a few others I decided to get hair extensions! I LOVE it. I feel my confidence coming back and I just feel like a girl again. Ahhh, I'm so thrilled. SO excited. I have needed a boost for SO long, and I just decided
to make the jump and do it--YAY! :D I just wanted to post my excitement--Ihave to get ready for bed and take Rascal for a walk. :)

But, here are some pictures:

And so it begins..

Well, tomorrow is the official first day of my last semester towards my Bachelors degree. Actually--Tuesday is when my semester will begin, since I don't have classes on Mondays--but man it's craaaazy to think about! I am not really wanting it to start--last semester killed me, I hope I can pull this all off again. Ugh. I just wish I could quit one of my jobs. In time--right?
Mondays should be fairly easy for me..as I only have to work at Job 1 from 7:45am-3:00pm. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be more chaotic, as I work at Job 1 until 12, have class from 12:25 until 1:45pm, and then class from 4:35-6:35pm. Between those two classes, I'll probably do my assignments for my online class, and work on homework. Wednesdays I'll be working at Job 1 from 7:30am until about 4:30pm, and I have class that night from 7-10pm. Fridays I work at Job 2 from 6:00am-2:30pm, Saturdays are my days off...and Sundays I work at Job 2 from 8:00-3:30pm...and then the cycle repeats all over again on Monday. Ohmygoodness... It's overwhelming just even saying it. I don't know how I do it.. so don't ask. lol. All I know is it's making me become a workaholic and I have a hard time trying to have a life outside of the chaos..which is in turn, secluding me even more from having a social life. Blaaahhh.
Sorry, that was my rant about school. Oh, I also find out if I got into the Graduate program this month! Part of me is hoping I get in, of course, and part of me is actually going to be okay if I didn't make it in--as I'm really stressing about how I'll be able to financially afford it all--and I really can't be working SO much when I'm working on a graduate degree----I'm already resentful as it is with not being able to focus on my studies as an undergrad right now. But, by the end of this month I should know! :D Yay!
Hmm.. what else has been going on...independence has dissolved into my soul even more this past week.. heck, even the past few days. I have realized SO much lately, from so many different people in my life--I'm glad I can depend and trust myself, for if I didn't have that, I'd be completely helpless. Oh, and Rascal of course. :)
OH how could I forget!? I can now pull up half of my hair and put it in a barrette! :D Granted, I have a stupid little stub when I do that---but, it's still possible! lol. Such simple things bring me happiness--yay! My hair is slowly growing baaaackkk!
Well, I took some night time sinus medicine (yep..sick again, this time I can't even use the netti pot to help clear my sinuses. I think it's because of all this crappy air we have in SLC--yay for having the ickiest air in the nation!..)
Tootles!

1/1/11

Happy New Year! It's officially 2011..craaazy! I'm happy to leave some of the bad memories behind from 2010...but, I can't wait to bring some of my hopes and dreams alive in 2011. Eleven is my favorite number, so it has to be my year---right?

Some of the things I want to accomplish/work towards this year are:
1) Don't sweat the small stuff-- Sometimes I over worry and stress way too much about small things that I don't really have control over.

2) Re-gain my "socialness"-- I have had a few hard spots in my life that have left me in some sort of rut... I really want to work on not being so anxious and "on guard" with my emotions and independence---I don't like being vulnerable anymore, and it's almost like if I avoid being social, then I eliminate the opportunity to become vulnerable--but, I don't think that is the best thing.

3) Bring back my self-confidence-- As always, I'd love to loose weight and eat healthier this year.. but I'm not just talking about that. With some of the things I've been through, I've unfortunately lost some of my confidence--and I'd love to start trying to gain that back. Along with the confidence topic, I really really wish I didn't cut my hair--as you all know...so I want to start growing that out as well.
3.5) Along with the confidence, I'll set a side note of eating out less often, exercising more even if it's on my wii (and with Annie!), and choosing healthier meals when at home.

4) Stay true to myself-- This pretty much explains itself..

5) Be happy. Smile often. Giggle lots. :)

I'm sure I have many more, but that is what I can think of right now. Today I ran into one of the people who truly killed so much of my confidence, trust, and respect for relationships---saw him at Walmart in passing, he was with his "ex". I think he saw me, but pretended he didn't--or maybe he didn't at all. Either way, it was a bit of a stab to the chest when I saw them. Out of all the places to be, why the Walmart I was at, at that moment? Well, it is what it is--it caught me off guard and set my my mood a little lower than I started my day with... Although it was frustrating and annoying to see them together, on the other side of the spectrum it gives me the opportunity to reflect on how I have grown and just how better off I am without him. Honestly, that relationship really influenced the way I am today--a stronger, wiser, more observant individual. He didn't deserve me at ALL.. but I walked away with more experiences to help me throughout my life. And even though this is all true, it still sucked--lol. Oh well!

Happy New Year! :D