Friends

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."

I love my friends. I wouldn't change them for the world.. in fact, I'd do anything for them. I just wanted to share that. I have some of the bestest friends in the entire world. I have so many amazing friends in so many places. And all of them have their own unique aspect they bring to my life. Vernal, Delta, Salt Lake, Price.. I have friends across the state, some that I rarely talk to--but I love the fact that I can call them up at any time, no matter how long it has been, and it will be as if no time passed by. I love knowing I have people I can call at any time, day or night, and I know they will be on the other line listening to my words as if they were just as important as their own.
I just wanted to say I love my friends. Thinking about the friendships I have today, it just makes me smile--and I wouldn't choose anyone else to grow old with. :D

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Life isn't what you expect.

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"-John Lennon.

I have always loved that quote, in fact, I'm sure I've posted it on this blog in previous entries. It has always felt like it just, made sense, in regards to how life really works out-- now, I truly feel like I know the exact reality and truth of it. When you think you have something figured out, even the most simplest things, they just don't always turn out as planned.. Dinner gets burned, milk goes bad a day early, jobs become scarce..events happen that are unexpected and out of the ordinary. Life happens, and you have to learn to roll with the punches. After graduation, I was on this natural high of being independent and having the ability to create so much achievement in my life all on my own. I wasn't on the market to find any sort of boyfriend or anything.. in fact, because of the pride I had from graduating, I was very much against it. The very next day after graduation I met Trace, my current boyfriend. And honestly, so far, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't even explain it. He is such an amazing man, I don't know how I was able to be blessed with him in my life, but I am so very grateful I am lucky enough to know him--let alone, be the one to laugh with him and kiss him goodnight.

Another thing I've realized is sometimes those punches feel so overwhelming, you aren't sure how to really regain your balance. And although it might be more rewarding and "easier" to try to pull yourself back up on your own, it's not easier at all... actually, it's almost like you're punching yourself. Let me explain. I have this fear of being vulnerable. As with everyone else, I have been through some pretty traumatic, very stressful situations that have both strengthened me and hindered me. I have gained self-worth, pride, dedication, and the reality of knowing that I have the ability to chase after my dreams and achieve anything I put my mind to. I also gained the fear of vulnerability, trust, and being able to really depend on someone.. believe their words, their actions.. and completely fall into true happiness. I have learned how to put my emotional wall up, bring it down..and put it up again ten times higher, and stronger. I acquired the understanding and expectations that I was not made for the amazing, spectacular things I once had dreamed of. I developed the attitude that I would be okay with settling with something, I didn't think that anything truly great would ever happen for me--it just wasn't in the cards I'd ever be dealt.
When Trace first came into my life, I was persistent in telling him I was afraid of being in any sort of relationship--that I had no desire to do so at all. But, I felt myself fighting against what I truly wanted, to actually be in a relationship with him.. to be able to fall FOR him. I would tell him to stop making me like him, and that I couldn't like him anymore--although this was in a playful attitude, it was also a statement that had some truth behind it. I was so afraid to admit to myself that I really liked this guy, his qualities he has that creates who he is as a man amaze me. His eyes, his smile, I just couldn't allow myself to really give in-- I wanted to be stable and independent, I wanted to be alone because it's "easier" to depend on myself, rather than having someone else around with such a huge impact on my emotions, my feelings, my life. I couldn't fight that long, and although I am still trying because of my own personal fears of "letting go", it becomes harder and harder each day. He truly amazes me everyday. He has become so much of my life in such a short amount of time, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I look forward to our time together, and I know that I can trust him when we aren't. I adore his little quirks that just drive me crazy at times, and his silly sense of humor.. I admire his maturity, his patience.. his strength and determination, just... him.

It's crazy, but I think this is the beginning of something great. <3