Goodbye 2010!

I can't believe the year is coming to an end. Granted, I say that every year.. and I'll probably say it next year too, but it's true. I can't believe another year has come and gone. So much happened this past year, it's crazy to reflect back on it all. Some things seem just like they happened yesterday, and others seem like they happened more than just a couple months ago. Either way, it's still amazing to see how time flies.

New years has always been my favorite holiday. I think it's a time for new beginnings, new dreams--and new opportunities. A way to let go of things that might have kept you down the previous year, and start fresh. Even though every day is a new opportunity to change, I feel that the new year brings so much more.. it's more of a "restart" button, I guess. I love reflecting on what I went through, and how I managed to get through it all...and really realized what I discovered about myself from each moment.

This past year, I realized that I have a huge heart--I discovered I still had the ability to care and love when I thought it had all run out. I had thought I was too weary to ever be vulnerable again, but unexpectedly I was proven wrong and I had allowed myself to fall for someone who I thought would never hurt me. Through experience, the reality of "nice guys (or well, girls) finish last" hit me, and I became a stronger, more cautious individual. Sometimes, no matter how much you care about someone--no matter how much you think you won't get played or used...it happens anyway, and it's out of your control. It was out of my control, I realize that--and this is why I grew from such an ugly experience. This helped me to know who I am, what I have to offer, and what I want.. This New Years, I'm saying goodbye to those struggles I had with that particular "relationship", if that's what you want to call it. It was definitely something I never thought I'd have to deal with or go through--but, weirdly, I'm kinda glad I did---it has helped me gain SO much more insight with people who are involved in those horrible relationships. I never could quite understand how someone could stay with another who cheated or anything of the sort--but with my experience, I now think I have more insight that would help me in my career later on, if I ever come across a situation like that. I never thought someone who I had known for 10+ years, and had knowledge of other painful events in my life, would be so heartless and horrible, but I was proven wrong.. But, I pulled through the situation and I'm glad to say I'm okay. :)

I am also saying goodbye to some drama I've had to deal with in the friendship world. I have realized sometimes having people to call your friends doesn't make them your true friends. I was strong enough to pull away from my typical group of friends, and have made many many more...and these ones I truly feel are actually worth having around. They are there for me whenever I need them, and not just at a convenience. (Thank you Annie!!!) I am so glad I was able to break away, and although it really felt like I was making a very lonely decision, I realize that having just a select few true friends are much better than having ten acquanitances. I think this took huge strength, and I did it. :) It's much better knowing that my friends will go the extra mile for me, just like I have always done for them.

On a lighter note, I've made huge steps this past year. :) I registered for my last semester of my Bachelors Degree--I graduate in May! I am receiving my degree in Human Development and Family Studies, and I'm also finishing up the requirements to be a Certified Family Life Educator. And, I applied to Graduate School (which is something I never really imagined I'd do) in the department of Educational Psychology for Professional Counseling! It is a three year program--I really hope I get accepted for this coming Fall, but if I don't--I will continue to take classes and try again for the next year. I'm anxious to find out if I get in, I'll know by the end of next month.

This past year, I was able to do something I've always wanted--I went on my first actual road trip. In August, I drove to Florida with a friend who moved there for a year with the Disney world College Program...and I made lifelong memories with experiences I truly will never forget. Honestly, I encountered some of the most amazing, life changing moments on this trip---I realized how truly independent I am, and how sheltered Utah really can be. Whether it was the crazy drivers on the confusing highways, the mountain-less scenery, the sketchy parts of Memphis, or the Omish road signs---it opened my eyes SO much. I am so lucky to have been able to go and experience this, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I truly discovered my love for not only traveling, but for road trips... it brings a whole new light to my dreams of exploring.

This year, I have came closer to figuring out just who I am and what I stand for. I'm not just going along with my life, I'm creating it by choosing the way I react to the inevitable life experiences which come my way. I'm more cautious, headstrong, confident, and independent. Granted, not everyone has to tread through the same waters--but I'm taking my stream and I'm floatin barefoot. ;)

Anyways--Happy New Year..and yay for new beginnings! :D

Nicole, You cut your hair!

I honestly can't tell you how many times I've heard that since I made the big hair cut chop back in July. It makes me sad, I cut it to try to "fix" a problem area that has been from a prior hair cut, and it didn't seem to fix it at all. Now it only makes me miss my long hair, and hate my "problem area" even more. It is so extremely frustrating, gahh!
I have been thinking about extensions for a little bit now, and although they are extremely expensive, I am almost willing to pay the price to get some of my self-confidence and hair back! Now, I know it isn't my hair, but it'd probably help me tremendously--only thing is...how in the heck am I going to afford it, and how long will they be able to last? I've talked to friends who have hair extensions, gotten a few consultations from some people about different methods---and I think it's just going to come down to the fact of me making another big jump and see what happens. Although, it's an expensive long jump, very costly--- but the other one was a big jump as well, I just lost all my hair in the process.
Ah pooey. I don't know what to do.
I just miss my hair! GahhhhH!!!

survived the semester..

I am finally done with the semester. I actually finished a few days ago, but I have been far to busy with packing and what not to post a blog about it all.

Wednesday I turned in my last paper due for this semester, and also my Application for the Graduate Program--it was SUCH a relief to get all of that done, I went home that night and felt out of place because I didn't have to be in front of my computer typing my fingers off trying to meet the deadlines of another paper. It was quite nice, but I still had to start packing, cleaning, and doing household chores that had been neglected for the past few weeks--so I didn't have much time to relax at all.

I'm now in Price, made my way through the canyon yesterday--and I'll be here probably until New Years Day or New Years Eve. I haven't been able to have such a "vacation", usually I have to try to cram seeing my two families in four or five days, so I'm hoping it will be nice to have a longer stretch of time to do so. It sucks that I have to work while I'm here down at the Price office (For one of my jobs--the deaf relay center), but then again it's nice I can still try to earn some money while I'm visiting.

I'm super anxious to get the letter in the mail letting me know whether or not I'm accepted into the Graduate Program. Part of me thinks I have a good chance, and part of me thinks not so much.. It'll be interesting what really happens. I'll find out by the end of January on if I'm accepted or not, so it's not that long of a wait--but it's still a wait!
Anyway, I survived the last few weeks of the semester--amazingly. If it wasn't for Annie, I honestly have no idea how I would have made it through this semester, let alone these past few months.. Thank you Annie. You have NO idea how much you helped keep me sane and motivated, if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have finished some of our papers--our laughs and giggles, and yummy nights of cooking really helped keep me focused and optimistic about it all-- thank you so much.

....'til next time. :)

Venting..

I am so overwhelmed I can't even stand it. I have never felt so burnt out....ever. I have been on the verge of tears on a daily basis...and some days are easier to fight it than others. I honestly just want to take a time out from life until next Wednesday. I can't take all of this stress--I have been constantly sick and I have no time to catch up to get better.. Two jobs and school is really kicking my butt.. It's so hard trying to do all of this alone. My apartment is a mess, my dishes need to be done, and so does my laundry. I have no motivation to do any of my papers I need to get done, I just want to quit and deal with the result of having a bad grade or not getting credit for the class. I am so sick of writing papers, I'm so sick of having no time to breathe--I haven't slept good in over 6 months. I think it's because of all the chaos I have in my life, my body doesn't know when or how to relax anymore.
Ugh. I just want to quit!
Sorry, had to vent. I'm honestly going nuts. I just.. ugh. no one gets it.