My last day of being 24!

It's crazy to think that tomorrow I'll be 25-- it always seemed so, "old" to me. 25?! It was almost ancient--although I liked to fantasize about being such an age, it never seemed so realistic or even really imaginable. It's so amazing looking back at where you've been, and thinking to yourself that things just aren't what they are assumed to be sometimes.
When I was turning 18 years old, if you were to ask me where I thought I'd be when I was turning 25, it wouldn't have many similarities regarding the reality of where I'm at today. Back then, I had pondered the idea of what "real life" pertained to, and listening to all of the older adults in my life--I thought I had it all figured out, or, atleast to a certain extent. I had assumed life would have been a path created before me as I walked across, sometimes stumbling to find more bricks, or having to jump over hollow places altogether. I thought I had understood, and been prepared, for the struggles and trials that were to be placed before me---but looking back, I might have been excited to welcome the difficulties but not nearly as prepared to take them on. Yet, how can one truly prepare for life? The only preparation in life is to just experience it. Break a heart, have yours broken...fall in debt, carry the weight of monthly bills on your shoulder...find a true friend, and be a true friend...although one might assume they know the realities of it all, only life helps you understand what it truly takes to live.
It's amazing to think about how in just 7 years, life has been twisted and rearranged in so many ways. I mean, I did see creating myself through education in my future..and I did see my independence grow, but it wasn't visioned as it is being played out today. Don't get me wrong, I am COMPLETELY grateful and thankful for everything that has led me up to this point in life--as, if I didn't go through it all, I wouldn't be me.
I'm so happy I am able to say I am (or well, will be) 25 years old, with no children, attending college for my second degree, applied to graduate school, and am working my butt off with two jobs in order for me to do so. It is a very rewarding feeling, especially when people seemed to always give you the stereotype of getting pregnant at a young age and being stuck in that reality, never being able to grow or develop into something completely different. I can't even explain to you how happy I am to not be one of those "statistics"that seemed to haunt me as if I had no other choice before.. I don't know. I'm part of the minority in a sense, in my opinion anyway when I look around in my own personal life--and I'm glad to say that this minority is probably one of the most beneficial ones. :)
Wow, I'm sure babbling on, haha--if you're still here, I'm impressed. I guess, just reflecting on everything (as I do every birthday), I am really proud to say I am who I am, and I've been where I've been. And I thank you all for having a part in it all, even if it just seems like a small part.
I will never be 24 again for the rest of my life. Craaaaazy! I'm getting old. :)
Here's to being proud, hopeful, excited, and young--- ;)
'til next time!

I HAVE HAIR AGAIN! :D

Today is probably one of the most wonderful days in my life---with the help of a few others I decided to get hair extensions! I LOVE it. I feel my confidence coming back and I just feel like a girl again. Ahhh, I'm so thrilled. SO excited. I have needed a boost for SO long, and I just decided
to make the jump and do it--YAY! :D I just wanted to post my excitement--Ihave to get ready for bed and take Rascal for a walk. :)

But, here are some pictures:

And so it begins..

Well, tomorrow is the official first day of my last semester towards my Bachelors degree. Actually--Tuesday is when my semester will begin, since I don't have classes on Mondays--but man it's craaaazy to think about! I am not really wanting it to start--last semester killed me, I hope I can pull this all off again. Ugh. I just wish I could quit one of my jobs. In time--right?
Mondays should be fairly easy for me..as I only have to work at Job 1 from 7:45am-3:00pm. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be more chaotic, as I work at Job 1 until 12, have class from 12:25 until 1:45pm, and then class from 4:35-6:35pm. Between those two classes, I'll probably do my assignments for my online class, and work on homework. Wednesdays I'll be working at Job 1 from 7:30am until about 4:30pm, and I have class that night from 7-10pm. Fridays I work at Job 2 from 6:00am-2:30pm, Saturdays are my days off...and Sundays I work at Job 2 from 8:00-3:30pm...and then the cycle repeats all over again on Monday. Ohmygoodness... It's overwhelming just even saying it. I don't know how I do it.. so don't ask. lol. All I know is it's making me become a workaholic and I have a hard time trying to have a life outside of the chaos..which is in turn, secluding me even more from having a social life. Blaaahhh.
Sorry, that was my rant about school. Oh, I also find out if I got into the Graduate program this month! Part of me is hoping I get in, of course, and part of me is actually going to be okay if I didn't make it in--as I'm really stressing about how I'll be able to financially afford it all--and I really can't be working SO much when I'm working on a graduate degree----I'm already resentful as it is with not being able to focus on my studies as an undergrad right now. But, by the end of this month I should know! :D Yay!
Hmm.. what else has been going on...independence has dissolved into my soul even more this past week.. heck, even the past few days. I have realized SO much lately, from so many different people in my life--I'm glad I can depend and trust myself, for if I didn't have that, I'd be completely helpless. Oh, and Rascal of course. :)
OH how could I forget!? I can now pull up half of my hair and put it in a barrette! :D Granted, I have a stupid little stub when I do that---but, it's still possible! lol. Such simple things bring me happiness--yay! My hair is slowly growing baaaackkk!
Well, I took some night time sinus medicine (yep..sick again, this time I can't even use the netti pot to help clear my sinuses. I think it's because of all this crappy air we have in SLC--yay for having the ickiest air in the nation!..)
Tootles!

1/1/11

Happy New Year! It's officially 2011..craaazy! I'm happy to leave some of the bad memories behind from 2010...but, I can't wait to bring some of my hopes and dreams alive in 2011. Eleven is my favorite number, so it has to be my year---right?

Some of the things I want to accomplish/work towards this year are:
1) Don't sweat the small stuff-- Sometimes I over worry and stress way too much about small things that I don't really have control over.

2) Re-gain my "socialness"-- I have had a few hard spots in my life that have left me in some sort of rut... I really want to work on not being so anxious and "on guard" with my emotions and independence---I don't like being vulnerable anymore, and it's almost like if I avoid being social, then I eliminate the opportunity to become vulnerable--but, I don't think that is the best thing.

3) Bring back my self-confidence-- As always, I'd love to loose weight and eat healthier this year.. but I'm not just talking about that. With some of the things I've been through, I've unfortunately lost some of my confidence--and I'd love to start trying to gain that back. Along with the confidence topic, I really really wish I didn't cut my hair--as you all know...so I want to start growing that out as well.
3.5) Along with the confidence, I'll set a side note of eating out less often, exercising more even if it's on my wii (and with Annie!), and choosing healthier meals when at home.

4) Stay true to myself-- This pretty much explains itself..

5) Be happy. Smile often. Giggle lots. :)

I'm sure I have many more, but that is what I can think of right now. Today I ran into one of the people who truly killed so much of my confidence, trust, and respect for relationships---saw him at Walmart in passing, he was with his "ex". I think he saw me, but pretended he didn't--or maybe he didn't at all. Either way, it was a bit of a stab to the chest when I saw them. Out of all the places to be, why the Walmart I was at, at that moment? Well, it is what it is--it caught me off guard and set my my mood a little lower than I started my day with... Although it was frustrating and annoying to see them together, on the other side of the spectrum it gives me the opportunity to reflect on how I have grown and just how better off I am without him. Honestly, that relationship really influenced the way I am today--a stronger, wiser, more observant individual. He didn't deserve me at ALL.. but I walked away with more experiences to help me throughout my life. And even though this is all true, it still sucked--lol. Oh well!

Happy New Year! :D

Goodbye 2010!

I can't believe the year is coming to an end. Granted, I say that every year.. and I'll probably say it next year too, but it's true. I can't believe another year has come and gone. So much happened this past year, it's crazy to reflect back on it all. Some things seem just like they happened yesterday, and others seem like they happened more than just a couple months ago. Either way, it's still amazing to see how time flies.

New years has always been my favorite holiday. I think it's a time for new beginnings, new dreams--and new opportunities. A way to let go of things that might have kept you down the previous year, and start fresh. Even though every day is a new opportunity to change, I feel that the new year brings so much more.. it's more of a "restart" button, I guess. I love reflecting on what I went through, and how I managed to get through it all...and really realized what I discovered about myself from each moment.

This past year, I realized that I have a huge heart--I discovered I still had the ability to care and love when I thought it had all run out. I had thought I was too weary to ever be vulnerable again, but unexpectedly I was proven wrong and I had allowed myself to fall for someone who I thought would never hurt me. Through experience, the reality of "nice guys (or well, girls) finish last" hit me, and I became a stronger, more cautious individual. Sometimes, no matter how much you care about someone--no matter how much you think you won't get played or used...it happens anyway, and it's out of your control. It was out of my control, I realize that--and this is why I grew from such an ugly experience. This helped me to know who I am, what I have to offer, and what I want.. This New Years, I'm saying goodbye to those struggles I had with that particular "relationship", if that's what you want to call it. It was definitely something I never thought I'd have to deal with or go through--but, weirdly, I'm kinda glad I did---it has helped me gain SO much more insight with people who are involved in those horrible relationships. I never could quite understand how someone could stay with another who cheated or anything of the sort--but with my experience, I now think I have more insight that would help me in my career later on, if I ever come across a situation like that. I never thought someone who I had known for 10+ years, and had knowledge of other painful events in my life, would be so heartless and horrible, but I was proven wrong.. But, I pulled through the situation and I'm glad to say I'm okay. :)

I am also saying goodbye to some drama I've had to deal with in the friendship world. I have realized sometimes having people to call your friends doesn't make them your true friends. I was strong enough to pull away from my typical group of friends, and have made many many more...and these ones I truly feel are actually worth having around. They are there for me whenever I need them, and not just at a convenience. (Thank you Annie!!!) I am so glad I was able to break away, and although it really felt like I was making a very lonely decision, I realize that having just a select few true friends are much better than having ten acquanitances. I think this took huge strength, and I did it. :) It's much better knowing that my friends will go the extra mile for me, just like I have always done for them.

On a lighter note, I've made huge steps this past year. :) I registered for my last semester of my Bachelors Degree--I graduate in May! I am receiving my degree in Human Development and Family Studies, and I'm also finishing up the requirements to be a Certified Family Life Educator. And, I applied to Graduate School (which is something I never really imagined I'd do) in the department of Educational Psychology for Professional Counseling! It is a three year program--I really hope I get accepted for this coming Fall, but if I don't--I will continue to take classes and try again for the next year. I'm anxious to find out if I get in, I'll know by the end of next month.

This past year, I was able to do something I've always wanted--I went on my first actual road trip. In August, I drove to Florida with a friend who moved there for a year with the Disney world College Program...and I made lifelong memories with experiences I truly will never forget. Honestly, I encountered some of the most amazing, life changing moments on this trip---I realized how truly independent I am, and how sheltered Utah really can be. Whether it was the crazy drivers on the confusing highways, the mountain-less scenery, the sketchy parts of Memphis, or the Omish road signs---it opened my eyes SO much. I am so lucky to have been able to go and experience this, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I truly discovered my love for not only traveling, but for road trips... it brings a whole new light to my dreams of exploring.

This year, I have came closer to figuring out just who I am and what I stand for. I'm not just going along with my life, I'm creating it by choosing the way I react to the inevitable life experiences which come my way. I'm more cautious, headstrong, confident, and independent. Granted, not everyone has to tread through the same waters--but I'm taking my stream and I'm floatin barefoot. ;)

Anyways--Happy New Year..and yay for new beginnings! :D

Nicole, You cut your hair!

I honestly can't tell you how many times I've heard that since I made the big hair cut chop back in July. It makes me sad, I cut it to try to "fix" a problem area that has been from a prior hair cut, and it didn't seem to fix it at all. Now it only makes me miss my long hair, and hate my "problem area" even more. It is so extremely frustrating, gahh!
I have been thinking about extensions for a little bit now, and although they are extremely expensive, I am almost willing to pay the price to get some of my self-confidence and hair back! Now, I know it isn't my hair, but it'd probably help me tremendously--only thing is...how in the heck am I going to afford it, and how long will they be able to last? I've talked to friends who have hair extensions, gotten a few consultations from some people about different methods---and I think it's just going to come down to the fact of me making another big jump and see what happens. Although, it's an expensive long jump, very costly--- but the other one was a big jump as well, I just lost all my hair in the process.
Ah pooey. I don't know what to do.
I just miss my hair! GahhhhH!!!

survived the semester..

I am finally done with the semester. I actually finished a few days ago, but I have been far to busy with packing and what not to post a blog about it all.

Wednesday I turned in my last paper due for this semester, and also my Application for the Graduate Program--it was SUCH a relief to get all of that done, I went home that night and felt out of place because I didn't have to be in front of my computer typing my fingers off trying to meet the deadlines of another paper. It was quite nice, but I still had to start packing, cleaning, and doing household chores that had been neglected for the past few weeks--so I didn't have much time to relax at all.

I'm now in Price, made my way through the canyon yesterday--and I'll be here probably until New Years Day or New Years Eve. I haven't been able to have such a "vacation", usually I have to try to cram seeing my two families in four or five days, so I'm hoping it will be nice to have a longer stretch of time to do so. It sucks that I have to work while I'm here down at the Price office (For one of my jobs--the deaf relay center), but then again it's nice I can still try to earn some money while I'm visiting.

I'm super anxious to get the letter in the mail letting me know whether or not I'm accepted into the Graduate Program. Part of me thinks I have a good chance, and part of me thinks not so much.. It'll be interesting what really happens. I'll find out by the end of January on if I'm accepted or not, so it's not that long of a wait--but it's still a wait!
Anyway, I survived the last few weeks of the semester--amazingly. If it wasn't for Annie, I honestly have no idea how I would have made it through this semester, let alone these past few months.. Thank you Annie. You have NO idea how much you helped keep me sane and motivated, if it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have finished some of our papers--our laughs and giggles, and yummy nights of cooking really helped keep me focused and optimistic about it all-- thank you so much.

....'til next time. :)