Thanksgiving

Well, I haven't posted for awhile and it is just because things have been so hectic with the holiday and all of that. I'll update some of the major points that have happened. :)

I went to the Jazz game with a friend from work on Monday night, it made for a long day--but it was definitely worth it. I had a really good time, I'm glad I was able to make it! While I was riding Trax from campus to the Arena, a younger couple, probably about 18 or 19 years old, sat on the seat directly in front of me, sharing my leg room. They looked homeless, and the boy kept pulling out white hand warmers and putting them up to his cheeks and neck. They didn't smell too clean--who knows when they showered last--and they were talking about where they were both going to stay for the next few days. The girl said she had somewhere in Taylorsville to go if he was sick of her, and he said he just didn't really know where to go and he did need a break from it all for awhile. I'm not sure what else was said, I didn't want to be too obvious in trying to listen in to their conversation, but it really made me...sad. It made me wonder what had happened to make these two young adults end up in the place they were at. I don't know if they were homeless, or just runaways, or what the story was--but it just made me think, I guess. I'm really glad I have an apartment I can come "home" to.

I was planning on going to Price for the holiday on Wednesday after class, but on Tuesday my work (the Pingree Center) shut down half day because of the blizzard warning, and my class that night was also canceled. I decided to drive down on Tuesday, and I beat the "storm". It wasn't as bad as I thought, but it is always better to be safe than sorry.

I had a good holiday for the most part. My older step sister and I didn't really talk, she seems to have some sort of issue against me-- I'm not sure what it is, but it's gotten worse over the years. I used to really want us to get along, but I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore-- She and I are just two very different people, and I wouldn't really choose anyone of her kind to be friends with anyway--it's a long story. Other than that, I had a great time. On Thanksgiving I hung out with my little sister, and my niece..we played on the wii. We had dinner, and then shortly after had some pie. This was the FIRST year in...umm..well... atleast 10 years that I didn't jump between families and houses to celebrate and share Thanksgiving with each of them--my Step Mom was working, and my Dad was with his girlfriends family in a smaller town about 35 minutes away from Price..

That evening I went to visit my Step Mom, or well, my Ex-Step Mom, who is still my Step Mom in my opinion, at her work. She works at a nursing home, and while I was there she introduced me to all of her favorite patients. I had a really good time visiting with all of the elderly, some were easier to understand and visit with than others, but it was a really big eye opener for me as well. One old man in a wheel chair told me how beautiful I was, reached for my hand, and pulled me closer to him so he could kiss me on the cheek. He told me he was going to steal me and put me in a cage. It was really cute. Other old ladies were complimenting me on my achievements that my step mom bragged about on my behalf, and it was really comforting and warmed me all up inside. The one old man who kissed me on the cheek asked what I was going into for school, and when I said counseling he said he already had four of those things, but he'd choose me over them any day. It made me laugh. And very hopeful for when I do become a counselor, I can't wait to help individuals in need and make my small imprint in the world..help make a difference. I went home in a different mood. When I had left my Mom's house, I was frustrated about the tension I felt with my older sister, and I couldn't believe the energy that was put in to ignore any topic about or towards me. I can't imagine how draining it would be to try to subtly make comments directed to someone without making it completely obvious you were trying to put them down.. it's amazing to me. Anyway, I left in a blah mood--and just finding the happiness within this nursing home and the conversations and visit I had with my Step Mom, it just, made me realize quite a bit. I'm so happy I'm who I am, and I can be just as successful no matter who acknowledges it. My life experiences have helped sketch the person I have became, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being independent and humble, it's such an amazing feeling to have--being proud of yourself is something I'd never, ever change.

This Thanksgiving was very different compared to ones I had years before.. as I said, it was the first one in many many years I didn't jump between family dinners.. I was able to sit and relax, and not worry about getting to antoher dinner in time or missing an important tradition. It's amazing how families can change so quickly, isn't it? One moment you can think nothing could be better--and the next you're scrambling trying to find common ground, a secure and stable factor to try to keep the family you hold so close, even closer. All of the chaos I've experienced with my families, though, I have to say I'm grateful for. I wouldn't wish any of it on anyone else, but I'm glad I can relate and have had some amazing lessons and life long learning experiences with them all. This year, I can say I'm thankful for my family--which has been hard for me to say in previous years. I've always been resentful and frustrated with the family struggles I was placed in, and I never understood or could figure out why I couldn't even have one stable family to be by my side through the years. What I've realized now is that although one family hasn't been able to be consistent through my life, I'm thankful I have had a family nonetheless. Some people aren't lucky enough to even have one parent by their side, let alone a family. I am grateful and very thankful to have families around--and with their experiences I've learned a great deal..

I'm also thankful for my health. Visiting that nursing home really made me think, and honestly made me a little scared. One lady in the nursing home has never been married, has no kids, and is honestly just--alone. She has severe OCD and it really made me think about where I want to go in life, and how sometimes things just don't work out as planned. No one ever "expects" to become 65 and have Alzheimer's, or become 70 and not be able to take care of themselves...at least, not that I am aware of. What if we knew where we would be in 50 years if we kept living the life we currently portray out on a daily basis right now..what if we knew what our future held, if we would end up with a fatal disease, or if we would battle cancer...what if? I truly think people would live differently if this knowledge was available.. yet, I really think people take their days for granted, and don't stop to realize how amazing it is to be alive and healthy, without some of the medical struggles others have to constantly conquer on a daily basis.

"Live each day as if it was your last."

I really am going to try my hardest to live by this statement, as sometimes I let my past influence my future...when in reality, the memories of the past live only within myself--and I can choose to build away from them, or allow them to stay active and influence the rest of my life. Little things can make a huge difference, and I know if today was my last day to be alive, I would have done things a lot differently, and same with yesterday--and the day before that.

Anyway, I hope you all had an amazing holiday and had safe travels. Hopefully you didn't eat too much, and you can still button your pants! :)
I'm back in SLC and I'm sitting here on my couch with a cup of hot chai tea and some homework in front of me.. oh and Rascal is snuggled up right next to me on the left side--I think he's happy to be back home. I'm excited to have him back home with me, that's for sure. But anyway, I'm trying to get the motivation to begin at least one of my papers--but I'm honestly just wanting to be a couch bum and put in a good movie to watch. Maybe I'll finish revising my first Learning Analysis paper and then pop in a movie..... ahhh or maybe.... ahh
Maybe I'll stop blogging and be that much closer to my homework---I can't keep procrastinating!

Thoughts at 7:15am on a Saturday

I have been up since about 5:30 this morning. I didn't sleep very well last night, hardly at all actually--but it seems to be my new sleep routine, so maybe it was a decent night of sleep, who knows. For about 4-6 months I haven't really been able to stay asleep for an entire night, I usually wake up about every two hours. Just recently, the night before last and the night before that, was the first time in months that I have been able to stay asleep for more than 6 hours straight. I'm not sure what is up, but it is really annoying and is actually quite draining.
Anyway, I woke up this morning and realized I needed another class for my CFLE requirement (Certified Family Life Educator), Communication and Relationships. I hate trying to organize a class schedule around a work schedule. It drives me crazy. I looked online and it is offered during another class I am required to take, Human Sexuality. Now, this Communication class is offered during the day, but I would miss the second half of the day at work on both Tuesdays and Thursdays.. I guess I will need to talk to my supervisor about that. And if that's the case, I will need to move my Statistics class around, as I was going to take it from 7:30-8:20 every morning so I would only miss about 30 minutes from work every morning. If I move that around, the only other option for me taking it would be on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, then which I'd have to rearrange my International Requirement course I have chosen, which is International Children's Literature. I try to figure out different ways I could make this all work, and I realize there is a class offered online that would fulfill the IR requirement I need, and this class is Global Educational Perspectives. I finally feel like I have somewhat of an idea to make this schedule work.. and I notice...
1. The communication class, at both times offered, are completely full and not accepting new students.
2. I have a hold on my record, I guess I owe $477.69 for tuition from this semester--I need to follow up on that with my counselor who assists with that.
3. The online IR course I want to take has ONE opening remaining.
Ugh. Talk about frustration. Just when you think you have it all figured out.. how annoying. Now I have to wait til at least Monday to hear back from my advisor about the excess tuition balance on my account, and hopefully I will be able to add classes on Monday or Tuesday of next week..hopefully. I have thought about just paying the remaining balance with a credit card or something, but I just can't afford to have it on there. Ugh. I have no idea!
Then, I realize something. I didn't do my internship journal for the week, it was due yesterday at noon! Ahhhh! I hurried and finished it.. it was late of course-- but I hope I get credit. Stupid GRE threw me all out of wack I guess.
I took that yesterday, got a decent score I suppose. Not as good as I was hoping, but not as bad as it could have been. I'm still hoping it's close enough to the minimum standard of the Educational Psychology department that they will accept me into the program if the rest of my application is strong and promising. We'll see.
I guess it's just been one of those days, and it continued into the morning hours. It is Saturday and I have no other plans I guess than to sit around. I will probably work on more homework, do some house chores.. but I honestly would love to just get out and have fun. It seems like it's been a while for that. But, that all comes with moving forward in life and walking away from situations and people that were just bringing you down, and not truly there when you need them most.
On that note, I really miss Rascal. He has been down with my mom since last Sunday, almost a week. They took care of him while I was studying for the GRE and so I wouldn't have to worry about him while I took the test. Unfortunately, I was sick most of the week and didn't study as much as I would have liked, but I guess that's life. Anyway, I won't see him until Wednesday, and I'm dieing. I miss that little fur face like crazy, I'm tempted to just drive down and get him right now because of how much I want to see him. It just seems silly because I am living on a tight budget and gas to and from Price today, and on Wednesday for Thanksgiving, would be pricey. Gahhhh!!
Sorry for the venting, I guess it needed to get out somewhere. lol

A sigh of relief.

Life has been so hectic lately--and to top it all off, I've been super sick and haven't had my normal amount of energy to help keep me going through the days. I guess it's finally all caught up to me. But, I've been taking tons of vitamins, on top of the ones I always take daily, and antibiotics to try to get this stupid sickness under control. Slowly but surely, I will conquer! haha. I have to..if not for me, for my nose.. man it's red as can be from blowing it so much. It hurts tremendously.

The day after tomorrow is the big day for the GRE.. I can't believe it's already here. But I'm super excited to have it done and over with. Hopefully I'll get a good score, I feel like I've studied as much as I could have without driving myself crazy.
And then Monday I have my third test in Research Methods, my third assignment due, and a presentation on a book in my night class. Talk about overwhelming, frustrating, annoying homework...I hate when everything is on the same day! But, I am relieved that I have about 95% of my book presentation done for Monday night. And, the homework assignment shouldn't be TOO extremely hard... So, I'm glad to slowly be getting each assignment knocked off my list. It was sure overwhelming at first though.

Well, I'm going to go get ready for bed and try to catch some ZzZzz's. :)

Memories which will last a lifetime.

Last night I was able to share another unforgettable memory with my little sister, Sarah. We met another one of her favorite bands, Allstar Weekend, at a new venue here in Salt Lake City. About two weeks ago I received a text from her at 10pm one evening, telling me she had discovered this amazing news and asked if I would go with her--of course I couldn't, and wouldn't pass it up. It is so much fun sharing all of these memories with her, and I'm so happy she wants me to be a part of it all. It means so much to me.
Anyway, we had a really good time. She wasn't as nervous to meet "A-Dub" as she was the Jonas Brothers.. and actually the whole set up of this meet n greet was so laid back and really quite an amazing experience in itself. The boys were so down to earth and friendly, I was truly impressed with their presentation and how extremely down-to-earth they were. When I met NSYNC, they weren't nearly as friendly--and with the Jonas Brothers, they were nice--but it didn't seem truly genuine like these guys were. Sarah had ordered them specially made bracelets with their names on them, and they wore them on stage. Cameron, one of her favorites, even asked her to put it on him right there on the spot at the meet n greet table. She got SO nervous, and wasn't able to do so because of the excitement. I got a picture of it, lol it was cute. But when they came out on stage, he noticed her and she pointed to her wrist like "Hey! You're wearing my bracelet!"--and he smiled, shook his wrist and nodded very happily. It was adorable.
We also got to meet one of the opening bands, Action Item, and they weren't too bad, I was impressed actually. We had an amazing time, and made some more amazing memories I know neither one of us will forget.
Here are some pictures from the concert. :)

Haha..and last, but not least..funny faces. Except I think mine is the best.

Changes.

Day by day nothing seems to change, but pretty soon--everything's different. And not only is everything different, but you now have a different outlook on life. A variety of so many experiences that teach you something unexplainable, and you never knew you were in the middle of a huge learning opportunity when it was happening. It's amazing how life works that way, isn't it?
Yesterday I found out one of my younger cousins is now engaged. She is 18 years old, and if I recall right, he's a little older than her. It is crazy for me to comprehend it all, not only because she is one of my younger cousins, but because she is only 18 years old! She has so much ahead of her, so much to learn..to grow from.. I mean I have no room to talk, because when I was 18 I was in a long relationship with my high school sweetheart, and I only know now the complications and difficulties that would have been brought along with that relationship if we did further it like we had planned--and I'm thankful we didn't. I learned an extremely large amount about myself and who I am when we broke up. I think it takes a very strong person to be able to successfully be able to pull apart from someone else and rewrite their own life. It wasn't easy to do, and I can't say if it would have been easier doing that compared to staying together for the long haul, but what I do know is I learned quite a few of the life lessons I carry with me today at that point in my life. Younger people are so oblivious to the realities of what it takes to be in a relationship, and the struggles you face. I think with experience, people then can truly have a better understanding when it comes to what makes a relationship stay strong and long lasting. I'm not saying they won't last, or that they will get a divorce or anything like that, I'm just talking in general. It seems I'm the only cousin I grew up with that isn't married and/or with kids. I don't feel bad or out of place with this fact at all. I am so happy with where I'm at right now, I'm getting an amazing college education which I will be able to successfully make my mark in the world with.

I guess this relates to my major as well. I really believe that with divorce being very convenient and what seems to be an easy fix to some relationships, people don't take marriage nearly as seriously as they used to and instead of learning how to deal and move past issues, most people end it with divorce and in turn create a huge cycle of disappointments and high-expectations. That is only my opinion though, based on the research and studies I have encountered as well as my own personal observations throughout my life. It just almost leaves me speechless when it comes to how society has changed over the past few decades in regards to relationships and family structure, and what has taken place to possibly encourage these differences.

It's just crazy to think about where my life would be if I would have stayed with the first person I thought was the one, the first person to make me feel loved, the first person I became attached to, and the first person I couldn't imagine my life without. It's hard to say where I would have ended up, but I would almost guarantee that a Bachelors Degree, nor Masters degree would have been in the picture. I'm not even sure moving out of Price would have been, either. I guess I'll never know, but all I can say is I'm truly happy I'm where I am at right now. I am a very determined, hard working, strong-willed individual who is independently supporting herself with two part time jobs with 15 hours as a full time student in school. I am extremely proud of this, and with time I can only imagine what other achievements I will be able to smile about. I just can't wait to be in a career I love, creating my life with the pride, confidence and knowledge I gain from my studies.

The rest of the factors in my life will come in time, and until then, I am thankful to be able to focus my attention on my siblings, my own life, and my education to better my future. Oh, and spoil Rascal a ton, too. :)

To start, I feel like I am getting so old! 8:00pm comes around and I'm ready for bed! Sometimes even 7:30, and it's almost like a chore to stay awake until about 9:00pm so I can make sure I sleep the entire night! It's crazy! haha, just thought I'd share!
Annnyways.. today I got my midterm back from my Research Methods class, I really thought I failed, and was going to be happy if I got a C... and I got a B! I was so excited, talk about boost of confidence! :) Now it's only to conquer the GRE...
I am sorry I haven't had much to write about lately! Just been busy with homework, midterms, papers, and everything else that comes along with school.

My little sister comes up this weekend, I'm excited for that. We are going to a concert, Allstar Weekend, they are a little boyband type group that are from the Disney channel. They are playing at The Complex here in SLC, and we have Meet N Greets, haha. Not only did I meet the Jonas Brothers back in September, I get to meet Allstar Weekend in November. My little sister is a goofball, but I love her so dang much. It should be fun. I'm just glad I am able to spend time with her and she wants me to be involved in so much in her life. It means a lot to me.

Well, I think I'm going to go take Rascal for hsi walk and then come back in, get ready for bed, and catch some Z's. I was watching the Jazz game but I don't think I can stay awake for the rest of the fourth quarter.
Go Jazz! :)

The GRE is going to be the death of me..

I honestly am letting this test get to me.. I can't understand the math problems and why they do some of the things they do to get the answers...nor can I even remember how to do it in the first place! I have been getting so frustrated and overwhelmed with it all--and along with everything else, I just really hope I can focus enough to get a good score on the test, otherwise it will be $160 dollars down the drain, for nothing, as well as the money I had to pay to even apply to the University as a graduate student.
I really am beginning to wonder if I'm even fit for graduate school. I am really hating this test. Ugh. I wish I could have taken a class or some sort of tutoring thing to help me remember all of this information.

In other news, I called Bonham today after I got home from class, and it was really nice hearing his voice. He didn't seem like he wanted to get off the phone, so we talked about how he has been having some friend issues at school lately.. he is so cute. I am proud of him, he said that he didn't want to fight with the older kid for pushing him, and therefore instead went to tell the principal. Although, he did tell me that "if it would have only been one of him and not him and some of his older friends, I know I could have taken him down.. me and my friend both could have."
Ah, young drama. It's crazy to think how lives change, and certain situations become more intense as time goes by.

If only we would realize how amazing life is when we were young...

Well, going to study some more for the GRE, I think.
sigh. Blah!