There's just something about him..

Yesterday was such a chaotic day.. it seems like all we did was pack up more of the stuff from my apartment and move it over to our new place. It was so tiring, and you could tell neither of us really wanted to be doing it. We are pretty burned out with packing, and I think more so him than I because his work is more physically demanding and tiring than mine--and he hardly gets one day off a week, sometimes its only a few days off in a pay period. So, yeah, I know he's more tired than I. Also because he's the one that's hauling all the big stuff to the cars and what not. Poor guy.

Anyways, yesterday, we were at my apartment for atleast 2 hours packing up stuff from my cupboards, trying to get the last little bit that's left..and in the meantime, Trace would do these silly dances, he was in such an upbeat, illy, happy mood.. I couldn't help but laugh It was apparent that we would much rather be doing something else, as he'd say "man, I'm so burned out".. but then, the next minute he'd be doing some sort of disco-style booty popin. He is adorable. After packing stuff up, we loaded it over to our new place---he sat on the couch to take a small break which I refused to do cause I wouldn't get up if I sat down, and within 5 minutes he was passed out asleep. I let him sleep for about 15 miinutes and then couldn't help myself, I had to go sit and cuddle with him. He decided shortly after that he needed to go get coffee cause he was extremely tired and we still had a bunch of stuff to do--get drapes/curtain rods for each room, get new shower heads, and a water hose for our washer. We set out on our journey to find stuff for our new house, and ended up in the curtain aisle at Walmart for a good 45 minutes. Walking back and forth, grabbing different colors, brands, textures... tons of ideas going through our heads, getting a bit exhausted of the huge selection...or lack of selection. It seemed like when we'd find a style/color we liked, there would only be one left--and we'd need two panels. Man, it was getting crazy. I'd then try to offer another option and he'd just smile, say it was up to me, and started to get a bit stressed like I was. It was so cute, he wasn't getting angry or mad, you could just tell he was getting ancy, on edge I guess to say. After we decided on some of the rooms, we then walked over to the showerheads. We picked those out fairly quickly, and made our way back to the curtain aisle cause I realized that one of the curtains I was holding had been opened, and we had to find the curtain rods to hang them up as well. In doing so, I noticed another aisle of curtains--the energy ones we were looking for in the first place. So then, we ditched what we had previously decided on, and started our search again in finding the perfect colors, sizes, textures...and, when we'd find one, they wouldn't have an identical for the same size.. we spent another 30 minutes or so trying to find our new curtains. Then, we found some curtain rods, and as walking down the aisle a little farther, we found others that we liked a little better... Oh man, talk about a shopping experience. We decided to get the water hose for our washer a different day, and on the way home we stopped at Little Caesars because we didn't want to make dinner... and not only that, our kitchen is covered in dishes and food that still needs to be put away. But, we decided that we were done for the night. Even when we got home, he was in a good mood--you could tell he was so tired, so drained--but, he still was his fun loving, silly self.. Tackling me on the bed, chasing me around.. being lovable.. teasing me for silly things, making silly comments..he's an amazing individual, such a great man.

I love that.

I love who I am when I am with him.
I love who he is.

I love that I can be silly with him, and sometimes he's sillier than me!

There's just something about him that makes me smile. He makes that twinkle in my eye brighter.

I love him.
He's truly one in a million, and I'm extremely lucky to have him in my life.

New Beginnings!

As most of you know, the lease at my apartment is up at the end of the month..well, technically not until September 13th but that is because they gave me a notice to let them know less than 60 days before it was supposed to be over, and refused to let me out at the end of August, so I am now being prorated for the first half of September.. Annyyways, that's another story.
The good news is after I was stressing SO incredibly much trying to find somewhere within my budget to stay, find decent roommates, or just bite the bullet and move back to Price.. Trace and I decided to get a place of our own and we found a gorgeous house to call our own. Renting, of course. It is 4 floors, but it's not as big as it sounds--although, it's not as small as it looks either. There are three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two living areas and a study, which will be my craft room! I have wanted a craft room SO badly!! I am going to be able to paint, decorate, and create projects with plenty of space and not have to use up half of the time getting everything out and putting it away! I am SO excited.
Just wanted to give an update :)

Love is..

I went to a wedding reception last night (Congrats Sandy and Clint!) and I couldn't help but notice the difference in myself than when the last wedding I went to. I almost feel like a reality check happened, like, a light bulb turned on. It's almost as if I realized that we have all been mislead and encouraged to misinterpret what it takes to find "love" and how couples find that genuine happiness that I saw in Clint and Sandy as they shared their special day with so many friends and family. It was so beautiful to see such a couple so in love and so involved with each other--to see two individuals who have made that promise of love.. who are at the right time in their lives to share that.

Anyway, the light bulb.

"Love is a decision--not an emotion." -Anonymous

I ran into that quote probably a little under a week ago, and it struck me like a ton of bricks. It is so true. Love is an openly, willingly, admitted decision of wanting to stick through the hard times with someone, a promise to still be by someone's side even when times get hard.. you might even say love is almost like a miniature version of marriage vows. Feelings are definitely associated with wanting to be there for someone, yet, actually acting upon it and following through isn't solely based on love. Now, I know love can mean a variety of things for everyone--but I truly believe that love isn't this magical power that somehow makes life that fairytale that we all grew up with.. (Ariel, Belle, Cinderella...you get the idea). But maybe the whole fairytale idea isn't so far off, as love is actually a fairytale-- like, a fib.. a little lie.. a secretly evolved feeling of happiness.. to help us all get through the day.
Love isn't only an attraction to someone, it's also about timing..where you're at in life and if you can puzzle piece your lives together to create one bigger, more detailed.. more beautiful picture. Love is like art. Sometimes people aren't ready to actually intertwine their paintings they have created on their own, which is why it doesn't work out... You can completely admire someones life... the time and dedication they put into creating such vivid colors in their picture or whatever it might be, but, it still might not feel right in mixing or pairing it with the painting of life you've created.
Love is so much more than just "love". It's almost unexplainable, and you can only truly realize what it is if you've been through some horrible situations to help you develop a knowledge base of experiences.. But, maybe that is only my reality or view because of all the challenging relationships I have been through--maybe people who only fall in love once still know the definition of love and have just as much of a hard time figuring out that love is work.
Now I don't want this blog to sound negative, because that is far from what I am trying to have it be. I am actually just writing from a very mature state of mind.. and it's amazing to me how many realities seem to just, slowly turn on in my mind.. those "ahh" moments, where you realize that this is what the "grown-ups" meant all along.

"All experience is an arch, to build upon." -Henry B. Adams

Friends

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."

I love my friends. I wouldn't change them for the world.. in fact, I'd do anything for them. I just wanted to share that. I have some of the bestest friends in the entire world. I have so many amazing friends in so many places. And all of them have their own unique aspect they bring to my life. Vernal, Delta, Salt Lake, Price.. I have friends across the state, some that I rarely talk to--but I love the fact that I can call them up at any time, no matter how long it has been, and it will be as if no time passed by. I love knowing I have people I can call at any time, day or night, and I know they will be on the other line listening to my words as if they were just as important as their own.
I just wanted to say I love my friends. Thinking about the friendships I have today, it just makes me smile--and I wouldn't choose anyone else to grow old with. :D

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Life isn't what you expect.

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"-John Lennon.

I have always loved that quote, in fact, I'm sure I've posted it on this blog in previous entries. It has always felt like it just, made sense, in regards to how life really works out-- now, I truly feel like I know the exact reality and truth of it. When you think you have something figured out, even the most simplest things, they just don't always turn out as planned.. Dinner gets burned, milk goes bad a day early, jobs become scarce..events happen that are unexpected and out of the ordinary. Life happens, and you have to learn to roll with the punches. After graduation, I was on this natural high of being independent and having the ability to create so much achievement in my life all on my own. I wasn't on the market to find any sort of boyfriend or anything.. in fact, because of the pride I had from graduating, I was very much against it. The very next day after graduation I met Trace, my current boyfriend. And honestly, so far, he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't even explain it. He is such an amazing man, I don't know how I was able to be blessed with him in my life, but I am so very grateful I am lucky enough to know him--let alone, be the one to laugh with him and kiss him goodnight.

Another thing I've realized is sometimes those punches feel so overwhelming, you aren't sure how to really regain your balance. And although it might be more rewarding and "easier" to try to pull yourself back up on your own, it's not easier at all... actually, it's almost like you're punching yourself. Let me explain. I have this fear of being vulnerable. As with everyone else, I have been through some pretty traumatic, very stressful situations that have both strengthened me and hindered me. I have gained self-worth, pride, dedication, and the reality of knowing that I have the ability to chase after my dreams and achieve anything I put my mind to. I also gained the fear of vulnerability, trust, and being able to really depend on someone.. believe their words, their actions.. and completely fall into true happiness. I have learned how to put my emotional wall up, bring it down..and put it up again ten times higher, and stronger. I acquired the understanding and expectations that I was not made for the amazing, spectacular things I once had dreamed of. I developed the attitude that I would be okay with settling with something, I didn't think that anything truly great would ever happen for me--it just wasn't in the cards I'd ever be dealt.
When Trace first came into my life, I was persistent in telling him I was afraid of being in any sort of relationship--that I had no desire to do so at all. But, I felt myself fighting against what I truly wanted, to actually be in a relationship with him.. to be able to fall FOR him. I would tell him to stop making me like him, and that I couldn't like him anymore--although this was in a playful attitude, it was also a statement that had some truth behind it. I was so afraid to admit to myself that I really liked this guy, his qualities he has that creates who he is as a man amaze me. His eyes, his smile, I just couldn't allow myself to really give in-- I wanted to be stable and independent, I wanted to be alone because it's "easier" to depend on myself, rather than having someone else around with such a huge impact on my emotions, my feelings, my life. I couldn't fight that long, and although I am still trying because of my own personal fears of "letting go", it becomes harder and harder each day. He truly amazes me everyday. He has become so much of my life in such a short amount of time, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. I look forward to our time together, and I know that I can trust him when we aren't. I adore his little quirks that just drive me crazy at times, and his silly sense of humor.. I admire his maturity, his patience.. his strength and determination, just... him.

It's crazy, but I think this is the beginning of something great. <3

Ahhh Updates!

Wow! I have just realized it has been SO very long since I have updated my blog-- I guess I got so busy and wrapped up in the chaos of life I have somehow forgotten to keep this on track with it all!

Lets see.. since my last post, April 20th.. I:

-worked out almost every day until my trip to Orlando, FL. After my road trip back home, it was hard to get in the swing of things and I still have yet to step foot in the gym since. (I have been back since May 20th).

-graduated from the University of Utah, officially, on May 6th! And I just received my degree in the mail yesterday--it's real! Ahhh!

-visited Disneyworld, Animal Kingdom, the Epcot Center, and Hollywood Studios. :)

-started dating a really nice guy, Trace. Sometimes I think he is too nice. I'm trying to get over my own fears--but it's hard. He's really sweet though, makes me dinner and spoils me a bit. I like him.

-applied for three new jobs, and had an interview with one of them yesterday (The one I was most interested in). I have my second interview with them tomorrow! They told me I'd hear from them by Friday, which is tomorrow, but I guess they couldn't wait and wanted to get me in
ASAP for the second interview process! Ahh. :)

I'll try to keep this blog thing updated. Life has just been so chaotic, it's insane! But, positively chaotic. So many changes! It's scary, but at the same time it's very..uplifting!
:)

'til next time! <3

Intriqued

I have been working out at the gym every day for the past seven days...today, day eight, is actually the first day I didn't go to the gym. Instead, I picked up hours at job number two (since it's spring break at Pingree right now) and I did some much needed cleaning in my apartment. I caught up on all the dishes, laundry, and vacuumed. Ahh gotta love a clean apartment. Oh, and I love ice cream. I feel guilty for it, but right now i am eating some delicious Praline Caramel Crunch ice cream, and it's pretty delicious. I guess I'll just have to work out extra hard tomorrow so I can feel better about my indulging. ;)